I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
