i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
