I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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