we made out on top of his cat.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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