So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
