i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
