Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
