Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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