tell your sister to shave her snatch
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize