im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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