Your tits are I can't wait for
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
