I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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