It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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