I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
