Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
