so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
