Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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