party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
