Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
