strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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