I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize