He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
