Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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