When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
All the doctor said was why
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
