It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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