her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
false alarm. still invincible.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
