what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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