She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
