First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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