"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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