i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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