no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
