Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
