she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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