I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
