just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
