I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
