I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize