even my farts smell like vagina
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
