ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this boner is exhausting
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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