when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
