NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
