OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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