The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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