Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
