May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
