Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
