...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
