His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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