we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
