they need to just BURY HIM!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
