She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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