On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
