she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
