Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
