Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
