I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
