Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
