You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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