I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
