i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize