conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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