She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
