Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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