If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
