Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
