I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Say something about gay babies.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
