The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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