so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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