If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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