I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize