I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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