and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
