Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dear god my vagina.
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