id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
